Renaissance
by queenregnants
Summary: There's something about being with Damon that feels so natural; a jumble of feelings that lives and breathes as if it's some fantastical creature. What they seem to have is a contradictory cocktail of brutal honesty, instinctive comfort, and a hot, bubbly exhilaration that somehow...just works. [a sort of AU of 6x12]


I wrote this a few days ago but didn't really have a chance to post it before the episode, hence it's a pretty AU than how the episode turned out (though I'm a bit sad we didn't get to see the DE date or either of them preparing for it!). I haven't written fic in almost 2 years, so this isn't what I'd call "good", but I hope someone may enjoy it regardless! Also, I'm in the beginning stages of writing my own novel, so any constructive criticism would be very helpful!

Disclaimer: _The Vampire Diaries is a product of LJ Smith, The CW, and all of their writers/producers/etc. I'm none of these, just a poor college student who ponders the characters in my spare time._

* * *

Elena can't remember the last time she went on a date, barring the whole Liam fiasco. It must have been with Stefan - as far as she can remember - since the compulsion had to have rewritten their break-up (_how does that work anyway? _she sometimes wonders, debating if taking psych 101 would be of any help), therefore removing _him_ from the equation. Yet when she tries to flip through the memories she does have, some are a bit more fuzzy than they normally would be with her actual memories all intact. She's given up on even doing so anymore; her mind must be a blank slate - she's ready to open her heart up to Damon now, but attempting to "remember" or recreate things that once were is a futile mission. It's almost clinical, the way she tries to separate the Elena who must have carefully folded his black leather jacket and placed it within a box of beautifully devastating memories, and the Elena she is now - the only Elena she can remember herself being. Guilt occasionally rises up a bit like bile - isn't she the same Elena? But in a way, she's not, and it's her doing that caused both Damon and herself this massive hurtful confusion. She pushes it back down though, because what's done is done and those memories are gone and even if she wishes she could go back and change things, she can't. And yet...

There's something about being with Damon that feels so natural; a jumble of feelings that lives and breathes as if it's some fantastical creature. She suspects this raw quality of their relationship is partly hand-in-hand with the hurt and destruction and emptiness that must have led her to _want_ to forget it all, but it's also a part of why she's so drawn to him now, even when their past has been taken out of her equation. What she feels around him is a strangely grounded ephemerality; it's almost like a planet in orbit around its sun. (is she the planet and Damon the sun? or is it the other way around, based on the looks he sometimes can't control? Elena doesn't honestly know.) What they seem to have is a contradictory cocktail of brutal honesty, instinctive comfort, and a hot, bubbly exhilaration that somehow...just works. Elena's certain she's never truly _felt_ like this before him, and while this might have scared her in the past, there's something deep inside that recognizes this blend of emotions as familiar, accepting this, accepting _them_.

So they're going on a date, one she initiated. While looking into the full-length standing mirror she and Caroline had placed in the corner of their dorm room, Elena wonders if Damon will pull out all the traditional stops - knocking on her dorm door with a bouquet of roses until walking her back at the end of the night and kissing her politely like a perfect gentleman. As soon as she thinks these things she almost laughs aloud to herself. Damon is NOT the typical gentleman type at all, so of course a "normal" date night won't be happening at all. Because why choose to date (again?) Damon if she wanted run-of-the-mill. (She still shudders in remembering Liam and her last attempt at romantic normalcy). She knows he won't try to recreate one of their old dates after she's been so adamant about starting afresh (well she hopes he won't). A strange sort of good nervous anticipation, then. In a way, it's unfair because he knows everything about her but he is foreign to her. Elena knows at one point in time she probably knew him just as well; but when he says things about her hate for chardonnay and her love of eggplant, it just reinforces this desire to know _him_. She wishes she could see him and just know, that something magical (literally or otherwise) would happen and those memories would rush back but as the days go by she knows it's futile to keep hoping. Relationships are about discovering each other, but what happens when one's already in the middle and the other hasn't begun yet? Suddenly, her cell phone rings, interrupting and thankfully stopping any further semi-nervous pre-date internal freak outs . She picks up without answering, anticipating Damon and ready with a flirty come-back if he's either early to pick her up or cancelling (she really hopes it's not the latter, and is ready to persuade him if it is).

Instead, it's Stefan, speaking with urgency. _Elena, you need to get to the hospital as soon as possible. It's Liz._

* * *

With the vampire blood plan totally backfiring and speeding up the cancer growth, Liz had passed out and the doctors almost couldn't get her heart restarted. Now she's sleeping, but the doctors say there's very little chance that Liz will make it through the night. Caroline had been hysterical, blaming herself, and had nearly attacked one of the doctors for failing to do anything else. Elena tried to comfort her, wishing Bonnie was there with them both because everything made more sense when the three of them were together. Only when Stefan comes back from questioning other nurses did Caroline quiet, collapsing into his arms and continuing to sob on his shoulder. Elena's never been more glad that Stefan is here, because even though he may have left at times when he was wanted by either of them, he's stayed now when it most matters. Stefan's stroking Caroline's blonde hair and looks at Elena, signaling with his eyes that she can go. Elena knows she can't leave the hospital; Liz was always like a second mother to her, and after her and Jeremy and Tyler and Matt had lost their relatives, Liz was the only parental figure and partner-in-supernatural-crime left. With Liz being handled by the doctors and Caroline with Stefan, Elena wonders where her place in all of this is. She knows death all too well - months of depression and trying to hold everything together after her parents died, Vicki and Jenna and John in between, Alaric, Jeremy's which made her turn it off, Bonnie's multiple deaths, and then the one that had to have broken her so completely that she chose erase him and rewrite the last few years of her life. With that last thought, Elena remembers tonight's date and swears. She doesn't know if Stefan let Damon know what was going on with Liz, but Damon hasn't called yet and she doesn't want him to think she's cancelled or be out of the loop.

As she starts to dial a number that's slowly becoming more familiar to her, Damon rounds the corner of the hallway then, his blue eyes wildly emotional and searching. Upon seeing her, he releases a breath, letting out some of the tension he holds. Elena's heart skips a little beat, selfishly, because even in situations that don't really concern _them_, he's always needs to know that she's ok and knowing this somehow settles her (even if she doesn't really know why).

"How's Liz?" he asks anxiously, and she remembers that Liz is one of Damon's few friends. There's something about him that just leads to Elena letting herself go. An emotional riptide emerges via word - Liz being on the edge of death, Caroline's devastation, and the tragic fact that there is nothing Elena can do about any of these things. Even the whole Kai-Jo-Gemini merge situation, which hasn't been on her mind the whole day, is something she has no control over and if there's something Elena hates it's not being able to _do_ anything. What is either magic or medicine for if some things can't be fixed at all?

At some point, Damon's hand had come up to her cheek and it's only now that she's noticed the slow, steady stroking of his thumb on her jawbone. He's looking at her in that way that speaks of comfort and sadness but more importantly utter adoration; as if he would throw himself off a cliff if he could fix things and she would feel better. It's a look that pierces her heart, simultaneously making her wonder HOW? and WHY ME? while she also basks in it. She can't help herself then, moves up to meet his lips with hers. One touch is all it takes, and she opens her mouth to let her tongue touch his. It's like flint and steel meeting except it's not just a spark it creates but a whole burn that takes over her entire being. A sudden clarity, and the only thing she knows is that she wants this man, wants to devour him as much as he wants her, doesn't want to let another second go to waste being without him. They can work through a memory loss, they can create new memories yes, but even for vampires life can't be taken for granted.

They separate, Damon still keeping his forehead close to her own, as if creating their own private cocoon. _Love is so short, forgetting is so long._ Elena doesn't realize she's said it out loud, but Damon smiles softly, recognizing the lamenting poem. He strokes her face again, as if she's the earth and the sky and the stars and everything awe-inspiring to him.

"Life's too short…" she begins to clarify, but he interrupts.

"I don't want to waste another minute minute either," he whispers, holding her even closer and kissing her again. This feels right, Elena thinks to herself. Unpredictable yet grounded, a freedom she can't even name. She remembers telling him a few days previously, joking in the Mystic High hallway, that she'd never felt more alive, and the feeling of his lips on hers, his hands on her hips just proves it further.

* * *

_Note: Let me know if you recognize the poem Elena quotes, it's one of my favorites!_


End file.
